Growing Pains

An intense month comes to an end. Moving, physical separation, friends separating, the love of godchildren, new friendships, longings, waiting… I could write a screenplay about the past few weeks in Provence. Every day filled with pain, compassion and love—collectively in different constellations. But I do not want to tell these small stories, although Marcel Pagnol might perhaps have enjoyed them.

What occupies me is the question of pain. Life is suffering, Buddhists say—to put it very briefly. Wanting and desire are the causes of frustration and suffering. But life itself too, thirst and hunger, the body’s desire: it produces suffering. I have never quite understood this. I understand that desire that does not come to rest produces ever more desire. Bringing this desire to rest is part of meditative and spiritual practice. And the moments of happiness? Do they only produce more desire, or can we not simply let them be as such? That is, be able to enjoy them in letting go.

Today I met a neighbor. With all the changes at the moment, I never know how to answer follow-up questions. Mostly I say: I do not know. He understood that immediately; he defended me in the group and said, he simply does not know—that is what it means to be able to let go. I was very pleased about that.

When we are very attached to something, it is difficult for us to let it go. Sometimes these are practical constraints. We had grown used to them. Now it is time to say goodbye. That produces suffering. Better, then, not to enter into a connection at all, for example? And when a connection dissolves, simply remain serene? Is that even possible? Are these intense experiences not rather what make up our life?

A phase, perhaps. Our mental and spiritual growth passes through these phases. Siddhartha was not enlightened at the age of five, but as an adult who had already experienced a great deal, had seen much… Growing pains, then. What does not knock us over makes us strong? That is nonsense, of course, but interesting at its core nevertheless, for the boundary experience lets us grow. Discovering something new, living through it and then being able to let go. Only in this way can we truly unfold. It would be nice if we did not ruin the planet in the living-through. Stay mindful!