Sometimes I react strangely. Someone does something unexpected, and an insecurity in me is awakened. How do I classify it, and how do I react to it — and what does reacting mean here? It is therefore about expectation, about a being in the world that anticipates. The future is considered predictable, and is also seen as such. If I do this or that, then someone will perhaps react in this way or another. But sometimes it happens that the other person’s reaction turns out differently. I was mistaken in my expectation, or the other person was putting on an act, or the interaction was shaped by something that preceded it and was not transparent. Energies and dynamics may have slipped in that my expectation did not perceive, energies that were unconscious or repressed. And so we find ourselves in a pool of different conscious and unconscious memories, feelings, influences, anticipations, and assessments.
The Small Ego
The ego reacts. It feels misunderstood and becomes impulsive. Perhaps it tries to evade and cover things over, or it withdraws, somewhat offended, and feels misunderstood; or it becomes active, tries to change the situation, becomes manipulative or aggressive. In severe cases it may even adjust its image of the world and its image of itself. Deformations, transformations, distortions occur; it then moves out of the normative.
All this can be understood as a defense. My small ego tries to defend against the supposed attack on its anticipation. It becomes reactive, responds in compensatory, restorative, manipulative, constructive ways. In fact, it is an attempt to put the world back in order. But the Other does not perceive it that way. My own action becomes incomprehensible to others, and a conflict arises.
A Path
I want to resist the normative impulses and avoid the corrective. For what shows itself here is, first of all, something incredibly strong, creative, expressive, something that touches our humanity at its deepest level. Behind my small ego there is a heart, a soul, a mind, a nature, all of which together attempt to experience and synthesize being in my body, in this time, and in this place. We often call a first step on this path the search for meaning, but it is far more than that. The search precedes the finding and then manifests itself in self-realization and self-expression, all the way to the merging and dissolution of the ego. One may, then, react a little and defend oneself. It is simply not very helpful, since as a rule it only intensifies situations. What is quickly needed, then, is a fairly good ability to use strategies for managing conflict so as not to enter into a more serious conflict.
Inner Work
The inner work takes place elsewhere: in observing and letting fade away all the impulses that unite in my consciousness, including the unconscious ones that first have to find their way into consciousness. This works quite well in meditation. But what does it mean for interpersonal interaction? Pauses, empathy, and above all openness and authenticity, radical self-perception and objective perception of others. The last two, in their purest form, are impossible in themselves and succeed only in interplay with an Other. This Other can be either a teacher or a beloved person. In tantric experience, these are the same.
Love
Right now I see two butterflies dancing around each other in the garden, and I see two worms entwining themselves in contact. The forms of expression are almost infinite, and we as human beings can unite on the most varied levels. But truly, this is not possible with everyone. Such deep encounters are rare. For some, they will only be realized in another life.
