Da gibt es einen seltsamen Ort in mir, dort, wo das Wort Selbst etwas aufzeigen will. Jener Ort der Stille und Ruhe, wo ich mit mir bin und Ausschau halte nach dem Selbst. Ein Ort tief im Herzen, der frei ist von Banden an die Au\u00dfenwelt, ein Ort, an dem Alleinsein sich richtig anf\u00fchlt, keine Erwartungen sind dort aktiv, andere Menschen sind zwar in der Erinnerung oder in Gedanken durchaus pr\u00e4sent, jedoch haben sie keinen Einfluss. Jener Ort, an dem das Wort Selbst auf etwas verweisen will, ist ein Ort, an dem ich als Teenager viel war. Ich war phasenweise sehr depressiv \u2013 Liebeskummer, Eltern, Pubert\u00e4t \u2013 das \u00dcbliche. Wahrscheinlich war es im Vergleich gar nicht so schlimm, wie es sich angef\u00fchlt hat, auch wenn meine Umwelt mich teilweise als depressiv wahrgenommen hat. Ich wirkte so, weil ich viel Zeit im Bett verbrachte und nachdachte \u00fcber das Selbst. Ich wusste einfach nicht, was andere Menschen damit meinen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I argued a lot, sometimes even ruined parties, because I would challenge a group of twenty people to a discussion that then became so heated that the host had to intervene. That happened to me several times. In the schoolyard, classmates would come up to me wanting to discuss, to test themselves against me, and to show me what this Self was. I resisted. I would not let myself be convinced of its existence. I knew that place where others suspect the Self to be. I was present there: strong, argumentative. I wanted to find the Self there. By now, I think that this Self, as such, does not actually exist \u2014 but that something entirely different can be found there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That ground of being upon which one\u2019s own existence is thrown back onto itself and understands itself as the center of all existence, without becoming megalomaniacal. Because here there is a sense of being held that is not anchored in anything concrete, but is one with emptiness, with being, consciousness, Brahman. This experience of one\u2019s own existence within existence itself is perhaps the point from which the soul arises.\n\nBecause that, after all, is what I have been searching for since childhood. It was always clear to me that this was about something other than my small ego, or what others see in me. The soul is not something we recognize early. Many never recognize it. Some recognize it spontaneously, and with great luck even very early. It probably has very little to do with religion. There are people who are soulful and deny being religious, and there are probably also many people who understand themselves as religious and yet have no contact with their soul. Perhaps the two really can be separated. When someone is truly conscious of their own existence, and even understands it as unique, then they are already very close to the soul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But how can this be awakened? How does such a rebirth happen? Where does the light go on, and what is illuminated there? That is what I always wanted to know as a teenager. Those were the discussions I had, with many people, constantly \u2014 and for a long time I had forgotten this. Back then, I received no satisfying answer. I thought I was asking the right questions. I felt superior to others, but I did not know the answer.\n\nNow I am a little closer to it. To understand oneself as held within the greater whole, to be conscious of that, and to understand oneself as alive \u2014 that is the first step. This place, where the word Self now wants to mean something, is nothing other than that to which it points. I am here and now, part of the whole, and I carry everything within me. This is how the Isha Upanishad begins. And from here, certainty flows. From here, there is no fear.\n\nCertainly, one does not know everything. One is not fully conscious of oneself. Perhaps one has not yet found one\u2019s expression. But it is an awakened being in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For me, it has always been this way: I had to realize this being through the four states of the Mandukya Upanishad \u2014 in the constant movement between waking, sleeping, dreaming, and insight: Turiya. Only when we pass from one state into another and back again can I become conscious of myself. That is why I used to spend so much time in bed, and why even today I still have phases in which I sleep through a weekend and move between these states in order to locate myself anew.\n\nIt is a search in peace and quiet. It leads to transformation. I emerge from such phases changed.\n\nThat is my way. Others may create, or surrender; perhaps they preach, perhaps they contemplate.\n\nI sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Da gibt es einen seltsamen Ort in mir, dort, wo das Wort Selbst etwas aufzeigen will. Jener Ort der Stille und Ruhe, wo ich mit mir bin und Ausschau halte nach dem Selbst. Ein Ort tief im Herzen, der frei ist von Banden an die Au\u00dfenwelt, ein Ort, an dem Alleinsein sich richtig anf\u00fchlt, keine […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5743,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5742","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bewusstsein"],"yoast_head":"\n